he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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