I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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