yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
