walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
