sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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