Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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