his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
