So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
