She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
