I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
