Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
