It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
