lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
