He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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