So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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