Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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