I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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