4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
