currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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