in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
