Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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