Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
