I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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