i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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