peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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