please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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