Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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