You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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