i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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