apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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