I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
