Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
