after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
