WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
