I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
