No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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