Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have fence marks all over my body
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
