So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
