I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
