I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
