How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
