I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
