I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
