Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
