life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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