; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
