i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
