I CAN MOONWALK!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
