True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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