I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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