Plan B is the new Plan A
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
