Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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