Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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