Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
