How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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