I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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