she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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