And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
