He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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