Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
