just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
