i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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