well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
