That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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