she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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