the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
FUCK WHALES
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
