Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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