I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize