First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
