I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
