I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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