Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
